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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028720">Hate Myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tim_drakes_bitch/pseuds/Tim_drakes_bitch'>Tim_drakes_bitch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Day at a Time (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alex Alvarez has Issues, Alex Alvarez is bisexual, Alex needs a hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Multi, Penelope is trying her best, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Victor Is An Asshole</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028720</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tim_drakes_bitch/pseuds/Tim_drakes_bitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Alex said that he had never felt anything like anxiety and depression he may have been lying but what Penelope doesn't know won't hurt her right? All Alex has to do is keep acting happy and everything will be fine right? So what if he lingers and hurtful thought longer than normal, So what if developed an unhealthy habit. If he act's happy then he is happy, right? Right?</p><p>The next update is This week</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Alvarez &amp; Elena Alvarez, Alex Alvarez &amp; Penelope Alvarez, Alex Alvarez &amp; Schneider, Alex Alvarez/Original Male Character(s), Elena Alvarez/Syd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Hate Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*</p><p>"Pencils down!" Elena yelled while grabbing my pencil and breaking it in half. Her eyes were big and wide she was looking at me franticly.</p><p>"I was writing a thank you note!" "I'm sorry I'm in test mode, I just really need to step it up if I want to get into Yale." Why is she so frantic is she okay. "Can you get early admission, Like now?"</p><p>"Hello everyone, I really need to pee my therapy session was great everything is great!" Mami Exclaimed while running to the bathroom. <em>She seemed off.</em> "She seem a little weird to you?" Elena asked. <em>Oh good, I'm not the only one that thought so.</em> "Yeah what do you think is going on?" She just sat there looking around. <em>Okay weird but it's Elena so whatever.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>She hates you that's why she's not responding</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Look at her she's trying to find an excuse to avoid you</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>SHE HATES YOU</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>HATES YOU</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>EVERYONE HATEs YOU</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Elena oh she's breathing heavy. something is wrong.</em> "Elena are you okay?" "Elena!" "What's going on?" Mami asked, "I don't know." "What going on?" d<em>id she not hear me, Oh she was talking to Elena I should move out of the way.</em> I moved back to sit on the couch and watch. Mami started to comfort her and eventually got her to breathe at a normal pace.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>It's your fault you should have been able to help her</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Now is not the time brain focus this isn't about us.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nothing is ever about you</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Shut up focus we just missed some of the conversation.</em> "Nothing, Nothing is wrong with you," Mami said while moving over to the couch with me and Elena. "And I know because I get them to." She continued once she sat down. <em>wait that happens to mami, huh, maybe she will know how to help me with mine.</em></p><p>"Really?" "You both know what anxiety and depression are right?"<br/>
I nodded wait for her to continue. "Well, I have that. And I didn't want to tell you cause I didn't want to freak you guys out." <em>Wait mami has depression oh no it's because of me if I was better she would be happy.</em></p><p>"Are you okay? Are you not happy?" "oh, honey it has nothing to do with unhappiness it's a chemical imbalance. And it runs in our family and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Even though I'm ashamed of it. But that something I'm trying to end with me because I'm fine now and your gonna be fine too."</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>She's lying you make everyone around you miserable</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Ugh, shut up.</em> "Wait is this why you always freak out on me." <strong>way to lighten the mood, Alex.</strong> "No that's me being legit mad at you because you're a punk."Elena chuckled. <em>hah in your face voice it worked.</em></p><p>"I know this is gonna sound really weird but I'm actually happy to hear this. Cause I thought that I was just going crazy." "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."<br/>
"Well, I haven't felt anything like that." <strong>Liar, you can't just ignore me you know that I'm not normal.</strong> "Good, but if you ever do were here for you. And if you need to see someone well do that." "Okay, thanks." "In the meantime, you two could always meditate with me. That always keeps me grounded."</p><p>"Oh," I said getting up "Happy your both, okay but I'm gonna go do the thing that grounds me." backing away to my room "Looking in the mirror" <strong>Liar you hat looking in the mirror I make you see how ugly your body is. turning around I started to head to my room.</strong> Once there I closed the door. Sighing I looked around it seemed so dull and the air felt thick. It felt so cold, so lonely. I pulled back the cover on my bead hoping to bury myself in the warmth.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>All you do is lie</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>You make everyone hate you</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>No one loves you</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>You are a waste of space on earth</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Nothing you do matters</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>You should kill yourself</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maybe it was right. But me dying would hurt mami right.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>No</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><em>It would I know it.</em> I took that moment to bury my head in my pillow.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I should tell mami</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>If you told her she would hate you for not being happy with everything she has given you</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You're right if I can't be happy I'll have to pretend. Fake it till you make it right?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Right?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The next update is This week</p></blockquote></div></div>
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